In the midst of the holiday activities are visits with family and friends, food feasts, travel, shopping, gifting and fulfilling pictures of historical expectations. Have you ever wondered why you do what you do at the holidays? Why there is a internal pull for you to behave in repetitive ways? Who is it that is in the driver's seat during your holiday journey?

Is it the child-you that remembers the warm and happy feelings and is determined to replicate those pictures to assure that happiness again? Or did the child feel deprived and yearn for gifts that were never provided and now endeavors to fill those empty places with lots of presents, rituals, and decorations.

Does the adolescent with its rules about what is appropriate and necessary for the holiday get in the control tower for the holiday activities? Do you become a monster of demands and sacred rituals that others are required to participate in with you? Do you live in judgement about others who are not performing consistent with your expectations? What percentage of your acivities live as "should's" rather than as choice?

If the Conscious Adult is available, you may begin to challenge the collection of roles, demands and rituals that have had your attention. Noticing whether what you are doing is satisfying or whether you are feeling balanced rather than driven during the holiday time.

Are you feeling energized and excited or tired and exhausted? Sometimes, just asking the question provides an opening that can light the way to new possibilities.

Challenge yourself this holiday season and ask the questions that dare you to evaluate what works for you rather than what is supposed to happen. Having been a holiday queen with many decorations and rituals of expectations, I surprised myself one season when I acknowledged that I was exhausted. Even though I had plans to travel to family for the Christmas week, it was time to put up the Christmas tree and the extensive additional decorations.

My son was 13 years old when I asked him how he would feel if we did not put up a tree and decorations. He thoughtfully explored his feelings and then asked if we could at least put up some colored lights in the window. "Surely, " I declared.

A snow storm blew in and blocked our way for driving to Florida. After three days of ice and storm, it was too late to make the trip. My son and I hung out at home and never let any of our friends know that we were home. The few days without any interruption of phone calls or invitations was a blessing. We played, watched movies, relaxed and napped, read books and realized that we had created a most wonderful vacation. From that day forward, the decorations were not a requirement. We would choose what the form of our celebration would be.

I began to notice how much of my patterns around every holiday were fulfilling some kind of expectation. There were many things that were still fun and special. Removing the "shoulds" lightened the burden and opened the door for creating new activities.

Write out your childhood memories and identify whether they still provide pleasure and meaning. Ask your children to create something that would be a special way for them to express the meaning of the holiday. What on that list could you include to personalize the holiday for each child? Create activities each year that allow you and your children to explore something new. The following is a list of ideas:

1. Making and decorating cookies and cakes.
2. Make a list of people that you and your children will deliver the goodies to.
3. Encourage everyone to make their own greeting cards and gifts.
4. Visit nursing homes or shelters with homemade goodies taking time to visit and share with the people. (Set up the visit with the appropriate administrative staff.)
5. Sing holiday songs.
6. Bring books or short stories to read outloud.
7. Play short and simple games with the residents.
8. Participate in serving community holiday dinners to the homeless.
9. Identify a family that your family will sponsor with gifts and food.
10. Have everyone write a letter, poem, song or draw a picture and send to the elders in the family.
11. Sponsor a pot-luck dinner for the people in your world who do not have a family to spend the holidays with.
12. Organize a neighborhood block party or house-to-house visit with a different meal course in each home.
13. Have the children organize and perform a play or talent show.

Add to your list of possibilities each year and invite others to participate with your family. If you are not having fun, it might be a clue that a change could provide some freedom and creativity for you and your family. The Holiday Grinch can be a thing of the past as you consciously design holidays.

Every contract needs special stipulations for withdrawing from your promise to fulfill some action or result within a particular period of time. Some would be appropriate to every contract and some specific to the situation and/or the client/customer.

1. Note every promise you and the client have listed in your contract and identify the breakdowns that could interfere or negate your ability to produce the results according to the terms of the agreement. Those potential interferences may be important to include as part of your contract.

2. What happens if:
- nature interrupts the action?
- the supplies required for the project are unavailable in a timely manner?
- the client/customer is not keeping agreements?
- you discover that your values significantly conflict with the client/customer's?

3. Identify the financial costs for breaking the agreements.

4. Both you and the client/customer sign and date the agreement initialing any changes within the contract.

5. It is always appropriate to have an attorney review your contract to make sure it covers your work and service. The more money and resources involved in the project, the more important the signed contract that specifies both your role and the client’s.

Many people think that contracts will confuse or frighten potential clients. When the client sees that the contract binds you both with promises and consequences if not fulfilled, they may instead, perceive you as reputable and conscious about your work.

Elements to a successful contract:
A Promise (+) to Act and produce Results (+) within a particular Time (+) Payment terms (+) Reasons for cancellation

1. As the service provider, it is your responsibility to research the normal and usual rates for services that you provide and to include your individual value related to years of experience, educational degrees, certifications, continuing education, and awards. Be sure to include reimbursement fees for the non-face-to-face, “invisible” work that is involved in providing the service and product you are selling, such as materials, continuing education, business overhead, phone calls, on-going project consulting and management of sub-contractors.

2. Be specific about the terms of payment (i.e., full or partial pre-payment, by when full payment is required, charges for changes made to the contract, interest added to bill if not paid on time). Be clear about whether the costs are projected and thus, alterable based on situation or negotiations or whether they are complete, regardless of circumstances

If you are a professional such as an attorney or accountant that charges for every minute that you work on behalf of the client, state the hourly fee and a proposed range of cost for the completed project. Keep accurate records of the exact time that you spend on the client’s project to verify the charges. Remind the client of the time you are spending on the phone, writing letters, etc. to minimize the “surprise element” later about charges.

If you are not an hourly professional, the financial charges may be specifically related to face-to-face time and include the “invisible” time in that charge. You may also choose to give a range of costs for projects that will include normal and usual costs and time based on past performance. In these cases, there will be some times that you will be ahead of the game and sometimes not.

3. If the client has given you a budget limit, hear that and respond respectfully. Do not assume that you can expand the budget once the project has begun. There may be unexpected circumstances that require re-negotiation but that should seldom.

4. What are the consequences if the project is not completed on-time, on-budget? Identify what circumstances will be acceptable or not for re-negotiating the completion time or projected budget. Do remember that if the promise of completion cannot be kept, communicate to the client as soon as re-negotiating is necessary. Communication and re-negotiation is imperative. Making a decision in isolation by either the client or the provider is unacceptable and in poor business practice.

5. Clarify who will pay for what in the project, (i.e., who will provide supplies, special equipment, space for consultation, support services, etc. )

6. Identify the timing of project reports which will include both the status of the project and financial expenditures to date.

7. Gain a reputation for on-time and on-budget project completions and for communicating along the history of the project. Your reputation will precede you and open many doors.

Watch for the next blog on Terms for Contract Cancelation.

In this world of entrepreneurial and small business expansion, it is critical to have a contract that delineates and provides clarity about services that are being offered as well as the relationship between the client and the business provider. A contract is a list of agreed upon actions, results and time parameters between two or more parties. Without defaulting to pages of complex language, a contract can be a document that is concise, simple, informative, and legal. The following is a list of three items to be detailed in the contractual agreement:
A. Service-Expectation summary
B. Financial Terms
C. Rights of Cancellation.

Service/Expectation Summary
1. Spend time listening with the client to hear the vision of what is wanted. Discuss expectations, wants and desires in specific detail. Identify what is a wish, a want and a requirement in the project. As the expert, it is your responsibility to elicit the clients “pictures” about what they are envisioning. Be clear about the client’s budget and ability to be flexible with financial parameters of the project. Discuss any history the client has had with other providers to reveal any upsets and breakdowns. This history can predict potential concerns that might re-occur in your relationship with the client as well as any hidden unfulfilled or unreasonable expectations that could be transferred to you. Write the contract including the clients' expectations in their words wherever possible. Be as specific as you can about the client’s expectations along with the product and service you will provide. If you promise anything and everything without clarifying the specifics, breakdowns are predictable.

2. Provide a summary statement of the services you are providing. You are the expert about the services you are providing, not the client. Describe specific distinctions of the services you provide in a way that educates the client about what you do and what you do not do. Never assume that the client knows what they are asking for. A written brochure that lists services you provide can be helpful as a general overview for developing client relationships. (When you have written your statement of services, have someone outside your area of expertise give you feedback about whether all elements of the contract are clear and understandable.)

3. After you have written a detailed contract, read it through out loud with the client and make sure that you are mutually clear about each term of agreement. This is the opportunity to correct and edit the contract.

4. Contract for different phases of the process and product of your service contract (i.e., Evaluation, Research, Consultation, Production, Post-Production Follow-up, Return Policies, etc.).

5. Include what you will do and won’t do, what you will be responsible and liable for or not.

6. Identify by when the project will be complete and what is to be included in the completed project.

Watch for the next BLOG discussing Financial Terms of a Contract.