Courage is living the life that you design, not living out of the expectations and programming of others. Courage is living out of your own personal truth, what is real for you, what is consistent with your principles and best judgments.

Living a courageous life means that you will often be required to make choices outside your current reality of knowing. Learning to be comfortable as you walk in the energy of "I don't know" and "I am committed to discovering what works for me" is necessary to live courageously...always exploring, redefining with new distinctions and discoveries.

Courage demands that you take the time to do the research that reveals your principles, your precepts for living with qualities that define who you are and what you stand for. It requires that you take stands that may be different or in conflict with those of others around you. Sometimes you may be unable to explain or defend your position but can feel a body sensation in your middle that says "yes" or "no". Admitting that you have no other reason for your stand than that can feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Years ago I asked someone to leave my home because of a behavior that I assessed as outside my boundaries of integrity and caring for the welfare of another guest. There was much resistance and disparaging opinions spoken about my being unreasonable. However, I held my stand, stating that I didn't need his agreement, that for me the behavior was unacceptable.

I didn't have any interaction with the person I evicted for years and then one day, out of the blue, he called saying that he had known exactly what I was reacting to all those years before. I don't know the reason for his amends, but I realized that I hadn't needed his apology to affirm the strength of my integrity muscle. It was as though the little bell that acknowledges when angels get their wings in that trusty holiday movie had been rung. It was a gift of validation from my angels.

M. Scott Peck wrote in The Road Less Traveled the lines written by Robert Frost,

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by.
And that has made all the difference."

I sense he was speaking about living a courageous life, a life that matters and that is regularly being explored and re-defined as one matures and embraces life's experiences.

What is it about the Harry Potter phenomenon that has the world pre-ordering millions of books and waiting in lines for long hours awaiting the latest delivery of the publication?

The mystery of the miracle of this phenomenon has the author seeming to be one of the magicians of which she writes. The massive sales breaks the rational and logical boundaries of the publishing world, especially with a book that is loved passionately by adults and children alike.

My hunch is that the human yearning for magic and mystery is an underlying foundation for the extraordinary financial success that surrounds the Harry Potter production from books to films and hundreds of marketable items that reflect the characters and objects of the story.

Amidst the chaos in a world that seems to have lost its logic and predictability, people find themselves searching for safety and security in the illusions of money, relationships, and religion. In the midst of a false sense of security, lives a demand for the spiritual and elements of fantasy that mimic it.

In truth, chaos brings a swirl of energy that can be confusing and disruptive. It can bring us to our knees, to the edge of an unknown reality. Within the chaos is an energy that can be embraced and focused to produce dreams, to design visions of a world that extend far beyond the current paradigm. The energy of fear and trepidation resulting from this changing world can be directed to enhancing love and healing on the planet.

The child in us may still be holding on to hopes that there could be a world in which it is safe to love and be loved, to express feelings and dreams without being stifled, and to enjoy the natural freedom of living. The adolescent us might still be passionately fighting for fairness and integrity that could sustain a world of balance and goodness.

Has the adult by default forsaken the hopes and passions and settled for resignation as a result of the despairing frustration of unfulfilled expectations and dreams? Is there a conscious spiritual adult available to direct the chaotic energy toward new opportunities and visions?

Perhaps the Harry Potter phenomenon stimulates the archetypal memories of the parts of us that know that even in the chaos there is magic and possibility. Harry as the magical child is unaware of his gifts and powers. His naive attempts, like those of the child within us, often result in adding to the chaos, in creating more messes. The adolescent determination attends to that which is right and good and fights the evil in order to neutralize a history in which the bad guy seems to have won. Can principles and love win out? Can the simplicity of the human spirit call forth a transformation in reality? Can good overcome evil? Can good be sustained in a balanced reality without the threat that evil brings to it?

Perhaps, Harry Potter lives in all of us and engages the unspoken and unfulfilled spirit that yearns to be expressed. Perhaps, the child and adolescent in us are seeking to be relieved of the responsibility of being the torch-bearers for good and light. Perhaps, they hope for the emergence of a conscious adult who will take the banner forward with commitment and courage to bring light to the darkness, to demand the dream fulfilled in the midst of a world in which there is no evidence or proof that such is possible.

List your visions and dreams for yourself and the world. Engage the energy of the chaos and direct it toward healing the imbalance and bring light to the darkness. Without any evidence, bring hope and light into your life. Live your life as an expression of your dreams...demanding the death of domination and righteousness, refusing to give power to the terrorist in you that thrives on fear and anxiety. Bring conversations of peace and hope to your conversations and discourage constricting conversations around you.

Enjoy the Harry Potter in you and know that there are others to play with and support you...some young wizards as well as some old ones. Be audacious and express your talents and gifts without shame or guilt while being compassionate and supportive of those who may not share your insights and activities.

Allow the wonder of the mystery to guide you and bring awareness and power beyond your knowing and imagination. Ask your spiritual friends and the Divine to add to your visions with perspectives and elements beyond your imagination. Acknowledge anything that reveals clues that the form is altering in intensity and in structure. Claim and be grateful for the miracles and acknowledge your participation in having created them. Have fun!

Some of you may not have heard about the latest craze for women over 30...pampering playful slumber parties. Even some hotels are arranging for this jammy party activity with special package deals.

What is accomplished when grown up women get together to have slumber parties that seem to resemble their teenage years can be just that...a return to a time that seemed so much more enjoyable, one in which the female was able to express her emotions with passionate freedom, or one in which the passions were stifled and never expressed.

When women get involved in relationships with men, get married and have their family, it is usual that they also separate from their girlfriends and lose contact with that part of themselves that is fun-loving and free from burdened responsibility. They are now grown up and well aware of expectations about being responsible and giving up the ways of the child.

Some women never experienced intimate relationships with other females during their teens because of the normal competition and insecurities during that period of life. These same women are now in their grown up years, feeling the need to connect with other females to discover and discuss their concerns and experiences...defining their commonality.

Women live and communicate in stories and through emotional connections. These jammy gatherings encourage a casual and intimate environment that seem to bring that sense of "what's missing" into their lives...away from husbands and children. Their husbands may have time away playing golf or traveling and hanging out with other men as part of their day to day life. Women are seldom alone or without the responsibilities that seem to define them. The girl parties are a way of playing, being a bit crazy and having a safe way of releasing a lot of pent up energy and emotion while being validated by others who share their some of their perspectives.

Adolescence is a powerful and passionate time of life. Addictions and emotions run high. Trying to replace those memories when one is grown up reveals the incompletions of the past as well as the adult-by-default structure that we have entrapped ourselves in by being appropriate while fulfilling our pictures and expectations about how life "should" be.

Perhaps, the slumber parties can be viewed as a form of self-help group therapy.

It sometimes seems apparent that our lives reveal a repetitive pattern of similar conversations, breakdowns, and issues. If I am fearful of rejection and isolation, I can rattle off the number of times that I have been misunderstood, experienced loss, have been left without explanation, or met with disapproval.

When concerned about being dominated or controlled, there are memories and fears abounding about those who have made demands with force and position of authority, age, words or money. Everyone and every situation holds the opportunity of putting us in a weakened position, of limiting our freedom and creativity, and of imprisoning our self expression.

When there is fear of conflict, I watch the upset and confusion that unwillingness to communicate causes. I hear the stories that are told to everyone except to the person with whom the upset lives. There is frustration of unresolved resentments and pain, of misunderstandings and justifications. The avoidance of the person with whom there is upset may end in killing the relationship.

Living in fear of making mistakes, being humiliated or failing keeps us in the trap of having to be right, of never being wrong, and of defending ourselves no matter what the cost. It may even result in us being dead right. The energy expended on anticipating what could go wrong disables us from living a life of passionate exploration and self expression.

Since we are so well trained in repetitively designing our self-fulfilling constrictive patterns, what might be available if we used that energy to envision new possibilities for ourselves and our world. What if we began to envision a world that worked for everyone, one in which love and compassion are foundational and one in which our individual uniqueness and differences were celebrated. A world in which we are all one and separate, in which we are able to communicate without fear of judgment and loss of relationship, without concern for being entrapped by others opinions. Just what if...

We can begin with a vision, a sense of how the new reality could be, feeling the resonance of beauty, love and imagination. Vision claims us. It expresses more of who we truly are, of our best selves. We feel at home when in touch with our visions. We feel authentic and more real. We may be unable to see the details of the envisioned future but we can build the resonance and the feeling.

Adding to the vision our imagined dreams that include as many specifics and desires as we can muster results in a magnetic force that calls forth the possible elements necessary to fulfill our dreams...often times outside of our ability to see or predict. When we are "in the zone", a "build it, they will come" dynamic begins to occur and resources beyond the predictable or planned reveal themselves.

As I look back over my life, much has come to me that in retrospect appears to be logical and obvious. But in the moment, my declaration, my voicing the vision and dream out loud and in meditation, seemed to call in the right idea, conversation, meeting, persons, or resources that forwarded the fulfillment of the goal. Never could I have imagined the exact form that revealed itself, but in each situation I could celebrate the expression of my calling. Within each situation, our personal commitment and choice are still required as we sort out what is best and what is consistent with our principles.

Stepping out into a new dimension of possibility, declaring myself as a beginner in the new world of author and innovative speaker, I look to the past for guidance and trust...realizing that I have never been without, that I am enough. At the same time, I hold a resonance of expanding my sphere of influence beyond the boundaries I have already set. I ask for assistance from the universal energy of all possibilities and from my spiritual connections to support me as I again step into a new unknown.

We are never done. There is always more to explore and express. We are always "enough" and forever will be called forth by our soul's destiny.

Receiving acknowledgments this week of my birthday has been a challenge. I know and celebrate that I make a difference in people's lives and yet, when people have written their wishes and thank you's for being in their lives and for realizing that their lives have been altered because of my influence, I notice that I allow only a superficial read without letting in too much.

Even though I observe myself, I am still unable to alter the level of receiving. What is it about we human beings that wants to be acknowledged and yet, has difficulty being acknowledged? What about having impact on others lives is so frightening or "un-gettable"? What can I do to engage more emotion and sense of gratefulness?

Communicating to others what their words mean is a start. Recognizing that I am never working alone, that my spiritual guidance and friends are always with me and revealing my own patterns of being unable to comprehend what difference I do make begins to shift the resonance.

We are fish in our own waters; we live our gifts and talents as "just what's so" and have difficulty recognizing our uniqueness, our special way of seeing, interpreting and relating to a situation, person or event. It is so "what is" that we can't see it or experience it as separate from us or as being different from others. "If I can see purple, everyone must be able to see purple."

Seeing our sameness and experiencing ourselves as one, as human, is a wonderful opening. Recognizing our differences and claiming our unique talents and pespective is a challenge worth engaging. Allowing others to tell us who we are when we cannot see, asking for feedback when we are unable to experience our impact, is a powerful beginning in revealing more about who and what we are, more about our individual destiny work, and more about how much we are loved. Such requires a level of responsibility that may at times be uncomfortable...for if we are so loved, so greater is our impact.

Who could ever have imagined the gift of 3 English blokes (actually there were 5, but 2 were filming) who came to interview me this week? They had sent their request through someone else and it was forwarded to me via a client. Here's their original message:

This summer, my brother, best friend and I will board a plane in London to take a six week roadtrip across the United States in a search to define our own roads in life by listening to the stories of others. Over the course of 15,000 miles we'll be interviewing leaders who have had the courage to be themselves and live their own life. This experience on the road and in the interviews will be filmed for an independent documentary series so that we can share the insights with our generation.

We're taking this roadtrip because we want to talk to people that inspire us, who have done amazing things with their lives, and are happy in themselves. People that have really achieved something, people that haven't just been hounded in, put into processed careers and "played it safe"; people who look back and smile, and then look to the future and smile even more. We want to know what you were thinking and what you were feeling about your life when you were our age. Whether you were worried, or excited, or blooming scared. We think that the stories, experiences, lessons, and advice that you have to offer are invaluable to us and our generation.

Such an invitation sounded like an honor of and by itself. I certainly felt that I fit the bill and agreed to the visit.

So promptly at 9 am on Thursday morning, I noticed 5 young men finding their way across the road to my office. With camera's in hand, they maneuvered their way across the 4-lane street. A motley crew, indeed, I thought.

When the elevator door opened, I stood at the office suite door greeting them down the hall. The cameras were shooting while the silent young men behind them moved silently around the rooms, catching the activities and conversations. I spoke my condolences for the bombings in London that had been reported on the morning news. They shared about finally hearing that their brother was OK. We discussed the Atlanta torrential rains and tornadoes of the night before...that they had never experienced weather like that in England.

"Let us tell you a bit about us," invited 17 year old Matthew M as we retired to my office. He began by describing his perception of the other two boys' talents and challenges in their current life transitions. "Simon and I are real brothers and Matthew B is our chosen brother."

He described Matthew B as a brilliant musician, a phenomenal guitarist whose parents wonder what he will do to earn money and when he will "get a real job." His brother, Simon, is a gifted manager of bands. He is immediately trustable and provides a great service, but his passion is working in something that would help human beings, that would help humanity. (They called it aid organizations. I quickly realized that they were referring to what we in the US would call non-profit human services organizations.)

Simon then jumped in to describe Matthew M as a wonderful actor who dropped out of school to play a role in a soap opera. "He is also a talented film editor. I have seen the work he has created on the computer and it is simply brilliant," bragged Simon. Matthew M added that he wondered about which passion should he choose as his career -- acting, writing, or film making.

Now they wanted to hear from me about what I felt and experienced at a similar age and point in time of my life. I acknowledged the eclectic gifts and talents that each of them had and recognized that they might feel unusual and different than those around them. I suggested that they lay the foundation for opening as many doors for their futures as possible and not limit themselves by wondering which activity would be the one of their career. Why would we limit ourselves by asking which ones to eliminate and which to have as a career?

"There is difference between a hobby and a career; both can express your passions, but in a career are you willing to be responsible for people's complaints about your actions and your product." I told them the story about my mother making bread and my son wanting to make her a bakery and thus, a millionaire. Mom was very clear about not wanting to have her love of bread-making become a pressured requirement and one that others could complain about.

I remembered my path around choosing a career that matched my interests and passions. Loving to be involved with human beings and wanting to have an impact on their lives seemed to be a driving force when, in high school, I decided on a career in psychology. When I was counseled by the vice-principal against a career of only 4% woman, one that required many years of education and a large financial commitment, I reconsidered and chose a nursing career because it met my criteria of making a difference in the lives of others. When I was then counseled to go to a 1 or 3 year program in nursing rather that get a college degree, I declined and went to a 4 year liberal arts college, graduating with a nursing degree. (When I was in my Junior year, the US government provided funding for graduate degree education in nursing, so I went on and received a masters degree in psychiatric-mental health nursing. So in the end, I still became a therapist, not a psychologist...achieving a similar result having traveled a different path.)

In my sophomore year of college, I began having severe stomach pains and thought I had ulcers. I began to wonder why these symptoms were occurring. Soon my feelings of confusion and entrapment revealed themselves. Had I really chosen nursing as a profession or had I gone into this program by default? Could I authentically count on myself to live out of my principles or was I simply reacting to the rules and expectations of the authority figures in my life? These challenging conversations would not be quieted. I decided to leave college for a year and discover for myself for what I could be counted on.

My parents thought that I was losing my religious faith and thus, would go to hell. They required me to talk to religious advisors and had me talk to the nun who was the hospital administrator in the small town hospital in which I worked throughout high school and during the summers. I was promised a full college and graduate school scholarship to get my degree in psychiatric nursing and then come back to my home town to work as the director of a new mental health facility.

Realizing that no one else could really understand the meaning and purpose of my leaving school and going out to live on my own in the "big city", I declined. "I will be forever grateful that I took that stand for myself," I declared.

"What do you think would have happened if you had not done that?" Simon questioned.

"I think I would have been angry and resentful, with myself and the world. I think I would have been a very different person. I trust myself and my principles as a result and value the muscle to explore and research that I developed."

On and on, we interacted for 2 hours with me telling my story of having desires and visions in adolescence about traveling internationally and living in Africa. Then one day I realized that I was traveling the world, teaching for a non-profit organization. I talked about having created every job and career move based on what I thought was wanted and needed and thus, what made sense to me. It would be only later that I would realize that the roles and jobs had not existed before, from a liaison clinical nursing specialist in the out patient psychiatric clinic in a major hospital, creating a mental health liaison consultant position within a general hospital setting, to establishing the first holistic health center in Atlanta, GA.

Each activity was driven by my passion and my principles. "How do you know what your principles are?" asked Simon.

"Look to what distresses you the most, to what upsets you and then find the reason underneath the upset and a principle will be revealed," I said. We discussed the difference between a "should", a rule or expectation and a principle that calls you forth and demands something of you.

"What would be your most important words of guidance for people of our generation to live life by?" asked Matthew M in closure.

Live your passions without intentionally doing harm to anyone else. Do it all, leaving nothing undone that you want to do.

Challenge yourself to always be learning and expanding, else you will be contracting and dying.

Define your principles and continue to discover new distinctions about them. Be authentic, be real, and don't ever let the "I can't" rule.

As we crossed the street to their traveling motor home, Simon asked how I had maintained balance in my life while I managed my family, a business and traveled the world teaching. "I didn't know what balance was, so I decided to research it. I soon found out that it had little to do with time and a lot to do with being 100% committed to everything I chose to engage in," I shared. "When I was with my son, I was as fully present as I could be."

"So it was about your intention to be in relationship and communication," Simon wisely conjectured. It certainly was, I thought.

I fell in love this day...with my life...with these wonderful, creative and juicy souls who appeared in my life for a short interview. I fell in love with the opportunity to engage in conversations that invigorated us all and that reminded me why I am who I am and do what I do. The conversations designed a life force that fed my soul. I realized in that moment that I would die with a smile on my face if I would live in life-affirming, life-generating, and life-force conversations such as we had just had. We stopped time and just "were one" for a couple of hours. I was invigorated.

Thank you my 3 Muskateers from Leeds, England. You made my day. You made my life meaningful. You gave joy and pleasure to my soul. You reminded me to live life with the fresh and challenging spirit of the young adult who is always in research, always exploring and always risking with creativity of thought and passion. You were among the living gifts that life presented to me. I honor your journey and pray that you truly do live your lives with the three P's of Passion, Principles and Purpose...the keys to living a juicy and fulfilling life.

Being around family teaches a lot and requires significant energy. As we grow older, we recognize that each opportunity to be together is always of importance...every time. We no longer take for granted that there will be a next time.

So much of the challenge is about choosing which conversations to engage in and which to let pass by. Just returning from my family reunion of brothers and sisters, some nephews and nieces and their children, I marvel at the extension of family through the generations. Stories about past remembrances, catching up on the latest current life details, and the dynamics in the dance of family communication with defined roles and activities of each person is a revealing tapestry that takes me back to the days when I was a child sitting in the midst of my aunts and uncles and grandparents.

There were games and repetitive patterns of activity and roles that guided everyone through the family gathering event. As I observed through the child's eyes, it seemed as though the dance was seamless, without any conflict or hitch. The rule was clear: a child was to be seen, not heard around the grownup activities. We children could go off and create our own games and explorations within the boundaries of which we were well familiar.

At my current family reunion, children are the focus of activities and attention of the grownups. Significant attention is given to the family and neighbor dogs. (Animals were not even allowed in the house or near social activities when I was a child.) Games that included children and grownups were available. And the grownup bothers and sisters and their spouses and partners moved among the many activities without any expectation of significance or depth. Chatting and "messing with" each other as we sat on the lawn chairs in the shade of the tree overlooking the acre or more lawn was simply relaxing and unchallenging. More intimate conversations occurred away from the group conversations.

We might have noticed the changes in each other, the gain or loss of hair or weight, the limited or easy flexibility of bodies, and the food and fluid intake throughout the 4 days, but none of that was mentioned publicly. I watched with interest at my reactions to the patterns that were once familiar and well ingrained. Some were still strikingly familiar and seemed to reveal themselves in a close-up mirror reflecting my own thinking and behaviors, many that I had thought were uniquely mine. Now I could see the biogenetic and experiential triggers and patterns that preceded me.

One of the greatest opportunities with family is to create the space for healing and relationship-mending. Spending time with my family members who are divorced and just beginning to bridge the pain and loss of communication was a blessing. Seeing my brother who had been estranged from the family for many years, now engaged in the playful chatter with his brothers and sisters was a moving sight. Watching him comfort his teething grandson and noting the loving relationship he had with his daughter and grandchildren gave me reason for having held the hope for reconciliation during those many years of distant separation.

Family reunions give us a chance to review our lives and the mattering of our heritage and life designs. Being with family reveals the sameness and the differences in each of us; some alterations made by necessity, some by conscious choice, some by new life experiences that alter perspective and understanding forever.

Now it is my turn to be the elder. What legacy do I choose to leave to the family? What alterations have I chosen that I want to leave behind? What contributions to others thinking do I have to make -- even if family members never really know that I have made them? Am I willing to make a difference without acknowledgment and visibility? Do I notice the impact of my voice, my behavior on the family story and its meaning?

After all these years of living our own lives, why do we still yearn to be connected to family? Why do we still seek family approval? What is it that allows family to trigger our reactions and defenses more than that of a stranger? What is it about being related that provides such valuable lessons about who we are and who we push ourselves to be?

Family is the greatest teacher of all. Reunions reveal our mirrors and challenges in a very real and confronting way. Being engaged in a family reunion takes a lot of energy. I find myself exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. Staying free of the pitfalls, disengaging myself from the attachments and judgments, and consciously participating while being fully present to my freedom to choose required a discipline that seldom challenges me so directly. The workout was great training. The gift of compassion and forgiveness for my reactivity and that of others was a necessity .

Knowing that I chose this family for my foundation and training for life is awesome to imagine. What a powerful gift we are for each other! We all turned out even though we went our separate ways and still we come together to honor our roots. Thank you to the elders that preceded us. You did a great job of laying a foundation for our many journeys.