Thursday, November 24, 2005
Holiday Grinch or Creative Freedom
In the midst of the holiday activities are visits with family and friends, food feasts, travel, shopping, gifting and fulfilling pictures of historical expectations. Have you ever wondered why you do what you do at the holidays? Why there is a internal pull for you to behave in repetitive ways? Who is it that is in the driver's seat during your holiday journey?
Is it the child-you that remembers the warm and happy feelings and is determined to replicate those pictures to assure that happiness again? Or did the child feel deprived and yearn for gifts that were never provided and now endeavors to fill those empty places with lots of presents, rituals, and decorations.
Does the adolescent with its rules about what is appropriate and necessary for the holiday get in the control tower for the holiday activities? Do you become a monster of demands and sacred rituals that others are required to participate in with you? Do you live in judgement about others who are not performing consistent with your expectations? What percentage of your acivities live as "should's" rather than as choice?
If the Conscious Adult is available, you may begin to challenge the collection of roles, demands and rituals that have had your attention. Noticing whether what you are doing is satisfying or whether you are feeling balanced rather than driven during the holiday time.
Are you feeling energized and excited or tired and exhausted? Sometimes, just asking the question provides an opening that can light the way to new possibilities.
Challenge yourself this holiday season and ask the questions that dare you to evaluate what works for you rather than what is supposed to happen. Having been a holiday queen with many decorations and rituals of expectations, I surprised myself one season when I acknowledged that I was exhausted. Even though I had plans to travel to family for the Christmas week, it was time to put up the Christmas tree and the extensive additional decorations.
My son was 13 years old when I asked him how he would feel if we did not put up a tree and decorations. He thoughtfully explored his feelings and then asked if we could at least put up some colored lights in the window. "Surely, " I declared.
A snow storm blew in and blocked our way for driving to Florida. After three days of ice and storm, it was too late to make the trip. My son and I hung out at home and never let any of our friends know that we were home. The few days without any interruption of phone calls or invitations was a blessing. We played, watched movies, relaxed and napped, read books and realized that we had created a most wonderful vacation. From that day forward, the decorations were not a requirement. We would choose what the form of our celebration would be.
I began to notice how much of my patterns around every holiday were fulfilling some kind of expectation. There were many things that were still fun and special. Removing the "shoulds" lightened the burden and opened the door for creating new activities.
Write out your childhood memories and identify whether they still provide pleasure and meaning. Ask your children to create something that would be a special way for them to express the meaning of the holiday. What on that list could you include to personalize the holiday for each child? Create activities each year that allow you and your children to explore something new. The following is a list of ideas:
Is it the child-you that remembers the warm and happy feelings and is determined to replicate those pictures to assure that happiness again? Or did the child feel deprived and yearn for gifts that were never provided and now endeavors to fill those empty places with lots of presents, rituals, and decorations.
Does the adolescent with its rules about what is appropriate and necessary for the holiday get in the control tower for the holiday activities? Do you become a monster of demands and sacred rituals that others are required to participate in with you? Do you live in judgement about others who are not performing consistent with your expectations? What percentage of your acivities live as "should's" rather than as choice?
If the Conscious Adult is available, you may begin to challenge the collection of roles, demands and rituals that have had your attention. Noticing whether what you are doing is satisfying or whether you are feeling balanced rather than driven during the holiday time.
Are you feeling energized and excited or tired and exhausted? Sometimes, just asking the question provides an opening that can light the way to new possibilities.
Challenge yourself this holiday season and ask the questions that dare you to evaluate what works for you rather than what is supposed to happen. Having been a holiday queen with many decorations and rituals of expectations, I surprised myself one season when I acknowledged that I was exhausted. Even though I had plans to travel to family for the Christmas week, it was time to put up the Christmas tree and the extensive additional decorations.
My son was 13 years old when I asked him how he would feel if we did not put up a tree and decorations. He thoughtfully explored his feelings and then asked if we could at least put up some colored lights in the window. "Surely, " I declared.
A snow storm blew in and blocked our way for driving to Florida. After three days of ice and storm, it was too late to make the trip. My son and I hung out at home and never let any of our friends know that we were home. The few days without any interruption of phone calls or invitations was a blessing. We played, watched movies, relaxed and napped, read books and realized that we had created a most wonderful vacation. From that day forward, the decorations were not a requirement. We would choose what the form of our celebration would be.
I began to notice how much of my patterns around every holiday were fulfilling some kind of expectation. There were many things that were still fun and special. Removing the "shoulds" lightened the burden and opened the door for creating new activities.
Write out your childhood memories and identify whether they still provide pleasure and meaning. Ask your children to create something that would be a special way for them to express the meaning of the holiday. What on that list could you include to personalize the holiday for each child? Create activities each year that allow you and your children to explore something new. The following is a list of ideas:
- Making and decorating cookies and cakes.
- Make a list of people that you and your children will deliver the goodies to.
- Encourage everyone to make their own greeting cards and gifts.
- Visit nursing homes or shelters with homemade goodies taking time to visit and share with the people. (Set up the visit with the appropriate administrative staff.)
- Sing holiday songs.
- Bring books or short stories to read outloud.
- Play short and simple games with the residents.
- Participate in serving community holiday dinners to the homeless.
- Identify a family that your family will sponsor with gifts and food.
- Have everyone write a letter, poem, song or draw a picture and send to the elders in the family.
- Sponsor a pot-luck dinner for the people in your world who do not have a family to spend the holidays with.
- Organize a neighborhood block party or house-to-house visit with a different meal course in each home.
- Have the children organize and perform a play or talent show.
Add to your list of possibilities each year and invite others to participate with your family. If you are not having fun, it might be a clue that a change could provide some freedom and creativity for you and your family. The Holiday Grinch can be a thing of the past as you consciously design holidays.
