Sunday, July 10, 2005
Life's Living Gifts
Who could ever have imagined the gift of 3 English blokes (actually there were 5, but 2 were filming) who came to interview me this week? They had sent their request through someone else and it was forwarded to me via a client. Here's their original message:
This summer, my brother, best friend and I will board a plane in London to take a six week roadtrip across the United States in a search to define our own roads in life by listening to the stories of others. Over the course of 15,000 miles we'll be interviewing leaders who have had the courage to be themselves and live their own life. This experience on the road and in the interviews will be filmed for an independent documentary series so that we can share the insights with our generation.
We're taking this roadtrip because we want to talk to people that inspire us, who have done amazing things with their lives, and are happy in themselves. People that have really achieved something, people that haven't just been hounded in, put into processed careers and "played it safe"; people who look back and smile, and then look to the future and smile even more. We want to know what you were thinking and what you were feeling about your life when you were our age. Whether you were worried, or excited, or blooming scared. We think that the stories, experiences, lessons, and advice that you have to offer are invaluable to us and our generation.
Such an invitation sounded like an honor of and by itself. I certainly felt that I fit the bill and agreed to the visit.
So promptly at 9 am on Thursday morning, I noticed 5 young men finding their way across the road to my office. With camera's in hand, they maneuvered their way across the 4-lane street. A motley crew, indeed, I thought.
When the elevator door opened, I stood at the office suite door greeting them down the hall. The cameras were shooting while the silent young men behind them moved silently around the rooms, catching the activities and conversations. I spoke my condolences for the bombings in London that had been reported on the morning news. They shared about finally hearing that their brother was OK. We discussed the Atlanta torrential rains and tornadoes of the night before...that they had never experienced weather like that in England.
"Let us tell you a bit about us," invited 17 year old Matthew M as we retired to my office. He began by describing his perception of the other two boys' talents and challenges in their current life transitions. "Simon and I are real brothers and Matthew B is our chosen brother."
He described Matthew B as a brilliant musician, a phenomenal guitarist whose parents wonder what he will do to earn money and when he will "get a real job." His brother, Simon, is a gifted manager of bands. He is immediately trustable and provides a great service, but his passion is working in something that would help human beings, that would help humanity. (They called it aid organizations. I quickly realized that they were referring to what we in the US would call non-profit human services organizations.)
Simon then jumped in to describe Matthew M as a wonderful actor who dropped out of school to play a role in a soap opera. "He is also a talented film editor. I have seen the work he has created on the computer and it is simply brilliant," bragged Simon. Matthew M added that he wondered about which passion should he choose as his career -- acting, writing, or film making.
Now they wanted to hear from me about what I felt and experienced at a similar age and point in time of my life. I acknowledged the eclectic gifts and talents that each of them had and recognized that they might feel unusual and different than those around them. I suggested that they lay the foundation for opening as many doors for their futures as possible and not limit themselves by wondering which activity would be the one of their career. Why would we limit ourselves by asking which ones to eliminate and which to have as a career?
"There is difference between a hobby and a career; both can express your passions, but in a career are you willing to be responsible for people's complaints about your actions and your product." I told them the story about my mother making bread and my son wanting to make her a bakery and thus, a millionaire. Mom was very clear about not wanting to have her love of bread-making become a pressured requirement and one that others could complain about.
I remembered my path around choosing a career that matched my interests and passions. Loving to be involved with human beings and wanting to have an impact on their lives seemed to be a driving force when, in high school, I decided on a career in psychology. When I was counseled by the vice-principal against a career of only 4% woman, one that required many years of education and a large financial commitment, I reconsidered and chose a nursing career because it met my criteria of making a difference in the lives of others. When I was then counseled to go to a 1 or 3 year program in nursing rather that get a college degree, I declined and went to a 4 year liberal arts college, graduating with a nursing degree. (When I was in my Junior year, the US government provided funding for graduate degree education in nursing, so I went on and received a masters degree in psychiatric-mental health nursing. So in the end, I still became a therapist, not a psychologist...achieving a similar result having traveled a different path.)
In my sophomore year of college, I began having severe stomach pains and thought I had ulcers. I began to wonder why these symptoms were occurring. Soon my feelings of confusion and entrapment revealed themselves. Had I really chosen nursing as a profession or had I gone into this program by default? Could I authentically count on myself to live out of my principles or was I simply reacting to the rules and expectations of the authority figures in my life? These challenging conversations would not be quieted. I decided to leave college for a year and discover for myself for what I could be counted on.
My parents thought that I was losing my religious faith and thus, would go to hell. They required me to talk to religious advisors and had me talk to the nun who was the hospital administrator in the small town hospital in which I worked throughout high school and during the summers. I was promised a full college and graduate school scholarship to get my degree in psychiatric nursing and then come back to my home town to work as the director of a new mental health facility.
Realizing that no one else could really understand the meaning and purpose of my leaving school and going out to live on my own in the "big city", I declined. "I will be forever grateful that I took that stand for myself," I declared.
"What do you think would have happened if you had not done that?" Simon questioned.
"I think I would have been angry and resentful, with myself and the world. I think I would have been a very different person. I trust myself and my principles as a result and value the muscle to explore and research that I developed."
On and on, we interacted for 2 hours with me telling my story of having desires and visions in adolescence about traveling internationally and living in Africa. Then one day I realized that I was traveling the world, teaching for a non-profit organization. I talked about having created every job and career move based on what I thought was wanted and needed and thus, what made sense to me. It would be only later that I would realize that the roles and jobs had not existed before, from a liaison clinical nursing specialist in the out patient psychiatric clinic in a major hospital, creating a mental health liaison consultant position within a general hospital setting, to establishing the first holistic health center in Atlanta, GA.
Each activity was driven by my passion and my principles. "How do you know what your principles are?" asked Simon.
"Look to what distresses you the most, to what upsets you and then find the reason underneath the upset and a principle will be revealed," I said. We discussed the difference between a "should", a rule or expectation and a principle that calls you forth and demands something of you.
"What would be your most important words of guidance for people of our generation to live life by?" asked Matthew M in closure.
Live your passions without intentionally doing harm to anyone else. Do it all, leaving nothing undone that you want to do.
Challenge yourself to always be learning and expanding, else you will be contracting and dying.
Define your principles and continue to discover new distinctions about them. Be authentic, be real, and don't ever let the "I can't" rule.
As we crossed the street to their traveling motor home, Simon asked how I had maintained balance in my life while I managed my family, a business and traveled the world teaching. "I didn't know what balance was, so I decided to research it. I soon found out that it had little to do with time and a lot to do with being 100% committed to everything I chose to engage in," I shared. "When I was with my son, I was as fully present as I could be."
"So it was about your intention to be in relationship and communication," Simon wisely conjectured. It certainly was, I thought.
I fell in love this day...with my life...with these wonderful, creative and juicy souls who appeared in my life for a short interview. I fell in love with the opportunity to engage in conversations that invigorated us all and that reminded me why I am who I am and do what I do. The conversations designed a life force that fed my soul. I realized in that moment that I would die with a smile on my face if I would live in life-affirming, life-generating, and life-force conversations such as we had just had. We stopped time and just "were one" for a couple of hours. I was invigorated.
Thank you my 3 Muskateers from Leeds, England. You made my day. You made my life meaningful. You gave joy and pleasure to my soul. You reminded me to live life with the fresh and challenging spirit of the young adult who is always in research, always exploring and always risking with creativity of thought and passion. You were among the living gifts that life presented to me. I honor your journey and pray that you truly do live your lives with the three P's of Passion, Principles and Purpose...the keys to living a juicy and fulfilling life.
This summer, my brother, best friend and I will board a plane in London to take a six week roadtrip across the United States in a search to define our own roads in life by listening to the stories of others. Over the course of 15,000 miles we'll be interviewing leaders who have had the courage to be themselves and live their own life. This experience on the road and in the interviews will be filmed for an independent documentary series so that we can share the insights with our generation.
We're taking this roadtrip because we want to talk to people that inspire us, who have done amazing things with their lives, and are happy in themselves. People that have really achieved something, people that haven't just been hounded in, put into processed careers and "played it safe"; people who look back and smile, and then look to the future and smile even more. We want to know what you were thinking and what you were feeling about your life when you were our age. Whether you were worried, or excited, or blooming scared. We think that the stories, experiences, lessons, and advice that you have to offer are invaluable to us and our generation.
Such an invitation sounded like an honor of and by itself. I certainly felt that I fit the bill and agreed to the visit.
So promptly at 9 am on Thursday morning, I noticed 5 young men finding their way across the road to my office. With camera's in hand, they maneuvered their way across the 4-lane street. A motley crew, indeed, I thought.
When the elevator door opened, I stood at the office suite door greeting them down the hall. The cameras were shooting while the silent young men behind them moved silently around the rooms, catching the activities and conversations. I spoke my condolences for the bombings in London that had been reported on the morning news. They shared about finally hearing that their brother was OK. We discussed the Atlanta torrential rains and tornadoes of the night before...that they had never experienced weather like that in England.
"Let us tell you a bit about us," invited 17 year old Matthew M as we retired to my office. He began by describing his perception of the other two boys' talents and challenges in their current life transitions. "Simon and I are real brothers and Matthew B is our chosen brother."
He described Matthew B as a brilliant musician, a phenomenal guitarist whose parents wonder what he will do to earn money and when he will "get a real job." His brother, Simon, is a gifted manager of bands. He is immediately trustable and provides a great service, but his passion is working in something that would help human beings, that would help humanity. (They called it aid organizations. I quickly realized that they were referring to what we in the US would call non-profit human services organizations.)
Simon then jumped in to describe Matthew M as a wonderful actor who dropped out of school to play a role in a soap opera. "He is also a talented film editor. I have seen the work he has created on the computer and it is simply brilliant," bragged Simon. Matthew M added that he wondered about which passion should he choose as his career -- acting, writing, or film making.
Now they wanted to hear from me about what I felt and experienced at a similar age and point in time of my life. I acknowledged the eclectic gifts and talents that each of them had and recognized that they might feel unusual and different than those around them. I suggested that they lay the foundation for opening as many doors for their futures as possible and not limit themselves by wondering which activity would be the one of their career. Why would we limit ourselves by asking which ones to eliminate and which to have as a career?
"There is difference between a hobby and a career; both can express your passions, but in a career are you willing to be responsible for people's complaints about your actions and your product." I told them the story about my mother making bread and my son wanting to make her a bakery and thus, a millionaire. Mom was very clear about not wanting to have her love of bread-making become a pressured requirement and one that others could complain about.
I remembered my path around choosing a career that matched my interests and passions. Loving to be involved with human beings and wanting to have an impact on their lives seemed to be a driving force when, in high school, I decided on a career in psychology. When I was counseled by the vice-principal against a career of only 4% woman, one that required many years of education and a large financial commitment, I reconsidered and chose a nursing career because it met my criteria of making a difference in the lives of others. When I was then counseled to go to a 1 or 3 year program in nursing rather that get a college degree, I declined and went to a 4 year liberal arts college, graduating with a nursing degree. (When I was in my Junior year, the US government provided funding for graduate degree education in nursing, so I went on and received a masters degree in psychiatric-mental health nursing. So in the end, I still became a therapist, not a psychologist...achieving a similar result having traveled a different path.)
In my sophomore year of college, I began having severe stomach pains and thought I had ulcers. I began to wonder why these symptoms were occurring. Soon my feelings of confusion and entrapment revealed themselves. Had I really chosen nursing as a profession or had I gone into this program by default? Could I authentically count on myself to live out of my principles or was I simply reacting to the rules and expectations of the authority figures in my life? These challenging conversations would not be quieted. I decided to leave college for a year and discover for myself for what I could be counted on.
My parents thought that I was losing my religious faith and thus, would go to hell. They required me to talk to religious advisors and had me talk to the nun who was the hospital administrator in the small town hospital in which I worked throughout high school and during the summers. I was promised a full college and graduate school scholarship to get my degree in psychiatric nursing and then come back to my home town to work as the director of a new mental health facility.
Realizing that no one else could really understand the meaning and purpose of my leaving school and going out to live on my own in the "big city", I declined. "I will be forever grateful that I took that stand for myself," I declared.
"What do you think would have happened if you had not done that?" Simon questioned.
"I think I would have been angry and resentful, with myself and the world. I think I would have been a very different person. I trust myself and my principles as a result and value the muscle to explore and research that I developed."
On and on, we interacted for 2 hours with me telling my story of having desires and visions in adolescence about traveling internationally and living in Africa. Then one day I realized that I was traveling the world, teaching for a non-profit organization. I talked about having created every job and career move based on what I thought was wanted and needed and thus, what made sense to me. It would be only later that I would realize that the roles and jobs had not existed before, from a liaison clinical nursing specialist in the out patient psychiatric clinic in a major hospital, creating a mental health liaison consultant position within a general hospital setting, to establishing the first holistic health center in Atlanta, GA.
Each activity was driven by my passion and my principles. "How do you know what your principles are?" asked Simon.
"Look to what distresses you the most, to what upsets you and then find the reason underneath the upset and a principle will be revealed," I said. We discussed the difference between a "should", a rule or expectation and a principle that calls you forth and demands something of you.
"What would be your most important words of guidance for people of our generation to live life by?" asked Matthew M in closure.
Live your passions without intentionally doing harm to anyone else. Do it all, leaving nothing undone that you want to do.
Challenge yourself to always be learning and expanding, else you will be contracting and dying.
Define your principles and continue to discover new distinctions about them. Be authentic, be real, and don't ever let the "I can't" rule.
As we crossed the street to their traveling motor home, Simon asked how I had maintained balance in my life while I managed my family, a business and traveled the world teaching. "I didn't know what balance was, so I decided to research it. I soon found out that it had little to do with time and a lot to do with being 100% committed to everything I chose to engage in," I shared. "When I was with my son, I was as fully present as I could be."
"So it was about your intention to be in relationship and communication," Simon wisely conjectured. It certainly was, I thought.
I fell in love this day...with my life...with these wonderful, creative and juicy souls who appeared in my life for a short interview. I fell in love with the opportunity to engage in conversations that invigorated us all and that reminded me why I am who I am and do what I do. The conversations designed a life force that fed my soul. I realized in that moment that I would die with a smile on my face if I would live in life-affirming, life-generating, and life-force conversations such as we had just had. We stopped time and just "were one" for a couple of hours. I was invigorated.
Thank you my 3 Muskateers from Leeds, England. You made my day. You made my life meaningful. You gave joy and pleasure to my soul. You reminded me to live life with the fresh and challenging spirit of the young adult who is always in research, always exploring and always risking with creativity of thought and passion. You were among the living gifts that life presented to me. I honor your journey and pray that you truly do live your lives with the three P's of Passion, Principles and Purpose...the keys to living a juicy and fulfilling life.
