Can we really avoid or resolve all conflict? No, not as long as we are human beings with different points of view, perceptions, values and priorities.

Much energy is spent avoiding or denying conflict and the upsets that accompany it. When conflict is recognized, the reason for the difficulty is quickly blamed on someone else. So, are denial and warring our only options?

Perhaps the key to resolving conflict lies in our ability to see and respond in different ways. If we declare a conflict, then how we characterize others how we justify our own position, and how willing we are to let go of our righteousness will impact the quality, level and length of the conflict. The following strategies may help us prevent and resolve conflicts.

1. Recognize the conflict, upset or discomfort and identify what the issue is for you. Ask yourself: What is the trigger? What concern is being confronted and why? What is being threatened or discounted? Is the threat real or does it live in your perception only? Is there an action that would make a difference?
2. Communicate your requests in a way that the listener is able to understand and fulfill. Do you have unspoken expectations that are getting in the way of your communication? Do you assume that, just because you want something or even ask for it, the listener will know what you mean and provide it? Do you assume that we all have the same needs and wants? Make a clear, specific request for what you want and when you want it, then listen for an authentic promise to fulfill that request.
3. Find out what is motivating the person or persons with whom you are in conflict. Remember that they are acting consistently with that motivation whether you understand it or not; they have their own needs, priorities and communication styles. Have you taken the time and energy to discover what their priorities might be? Do you know what yours are?
4. In conflicts with people of the opposite gender, remember that men and women truly are different and relate differently to life. Recent research validates these differences and may provide clues about how to relate more effectively without making the differences a point of contention or fault-finding.

Discovering ways to communicate with ourselves first is critical. As we are able to heal the stressful triggers within our own psyches, less will be perceived as threatening, so less conflict will occur in our lives. As we become aware of the styles and commitments that others bring to the conversation, we can be better equipped for resolving the conflicts.