Forgiveness is a powerful foundation for healing. Forgiveness can heal the unexpressed anger and rage that survive as a seething resentment. It may heal unresolved sadness and pain that persist as hopelessness and depression. It can transform shame that endures in a synthetic web of guilt and accusing blame. Unresolved feelings may function as the source of many physical and emotional symptoms and disorders.

Many studies have shown the influence of emotions on health and well-being. Each of us is familiar with how we feel when we are confronted with situations of stress and those in which we feel we have no control. The longer these conditions continue, the more the body adapts and absorbs the conditions. It is not appropriate to "blow up" or leave the situation, so the insidious process of becoming seemingly immune to the stress continues.

The hair may begin to thin; we blame it on heredity. The weight may increase or decrease; we try the diets that will change the number on the scales. Headaches may be continuous or expand to migraines of horrific proportions; we medicate to maintain our life schedules. Low energy and the resulting exhaustion inhibit our sense of productivity. Often feeling like the walking dead, we carry life like a burden, the ball and chain we have to bear as a part of being human. We anesthetize our tired bones and struggling moods with food, drink, caffeine and unrestful sleep.

Over time, the body’s immune system is compromised, the metabolic rate is lowered and the wear and tear on the body begins to reveal itself in acute and chronic health conditions. The unresolved and unexpressed feelings continue to have an impact on us even though we are no longer conscious of them.

To say that forgiving can provide an important process in healing means we must reflect upon the concepts and patterns we have developed about forgiving ourselves and others, being forgiven or asking for forgiveness. Children are instructed to say "I’m sorry" to any perceived upset that they cause in another. Even without understanding the reason for having to apologize, the child follows the demand with a shallow and often confused apology. The adolescent often provides a resentful or conditional "I’m sorry" when caught in a compromising situation or when fearing rejection or embarrassment. The adolescent’s apology is usually tainted with justification for the behavior and a projection of blame for the behavior onto another.

To provide a healing that resolves emotions requires the presence of a different kind of forgiveness. It requires the presence of a conscious adult who accepts responsibility (not blame or burden) for the impact of behavior, whether intended or not. The adult acknowledges that damage was done, perhaps to self and to another. The sacred gift of forgiveness is granted only upon exploring and acknowledging the situation, the feelings of pain, shame and anger, and the damage that resulted. Your adult self can recognize the pain and costly survival patterns that your child self developed in the past. The adult can begin to see the motivation of the parent, teacher or relative and the limited availability of healthy choices. Your adult self may give and receive the gift of compassionate forgiveness to/from offenders without ever forgiving their actions.

An authentic gift of forgiveness includes the acknowledgement that damage was done to you and to me and the promise to never use that situation, its story or its impact against either of us ever again. That is the sacred gift of forgiveness that only the conscious adult can give and receive.

This forgiveness opens the door to a powerful healing of relationships, the body and the emotional being.