As a nation, we have confronted many shocking events in the last few years that have had a significant impact on the way we feel about our safety and security. The Oklahoma City bombing and the Columbine and other school killings have had a major impact on our national and individual sense of stability.

There was horror and shock. The news media engaged in extensive exploitation of every human story and investigative detail they could get their hands on. We seemed to be at war with ourselves. We watched and listened while we shook our heads in disbelief and pain.

Then came the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorism attacks. In previous terrorist attacks, we had always dealt with the aftermath of the attack. We had not seen it as it was occurring. Now we watched as televised images showed the planes slamming into buildings. Something snapped in us that day. Beyond the shock and pain came fear, panic, terror and for some, rage.

Psychological coping mechanisms, whether fragile or strong, had been compromised and shattered. The survival walls that maintain our personal and psychological safety had been breached. The predictable and normal had collapsed and left us in shambles. What had been imagined in films, novels and video games had occurred in real life.

People watched the TV for hours on end, unable to work, unable to sleep, unable to let go of the constant and repetitive pictures and stories. Some sobbed uncontrollably, even though they knew no one personally in the disaster. Many wandered as robots, perfunctorily completing the tasks of daily living. Some talked incessantly about the details of the event.

Others were unable to speak about it at all or refused to engage in any conversation about it. As a people and as a nation, we were dealing with shock, denial, grief, sadness, anger and resignation.

As a psychotherapist, I began to notice the effect of the crisis on clients who came for their regularly scheduled appointments or who came in crisis, finding themselves in the midst of disrupting panic and anxiety. Those who had patterns of depressive behaviors might show up more immobilized or more hyperactive. Couples who had been getting along were now reporting increased arguments and bickering.

In the process of healing, certain recommendations seemed to be most helpful.

Acknowledge that you are in a post-traumatic grief response. Notice your thoughts, feelings and behaviors - especially those that are different from the norm. Share your response with someone you can trust. Offer others the opportunity to heal through sharing their thoughts.

Bring a compassionate understanding to yourself and others. Find ways to forgive yourself and others for personal foibles and shortcomings.

Notice the terrorist in yourself - the one that judges and demeans, the one who dominates and disempowers, the one who defends and justifies the damage being caused, whether done to yourself or to another. Ask that negative talk and behavior be discontinued in your presence.

Take your power and passion back from the terrorist. The terrorist wins if you stop loving, stop being productive and creative, stop being intimate and caring. Find ways to show that you care and can make a difference.

Children know and sense that something dramatic and life-altering has occurred. Encourage them to talk about their perceptions and feelings. Help them find a way to make a difference, to contribute to someone else less fortunate than they. Limit their intake of media and discussions and yet, recognize that they are already involved in the grief and fear process. Help them heal.

If you are on medications, observe for ineffective symptom relief. Check with your health care professional for evaluation and assistance.

Turn off the TV and radio. Listen to healing music. Meditate. Pray for peace of mind and soul. Hug yourself and others. Listen to your inner voice.